What Have You Done Today to Make You Feel Proud?

I step out of the ordinary

I can feel my soul ascending

I’m on my way. Can’t stop me now.

And you can do the same.

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

In November, I’ll have been out of the closet as a gay man for twenty years. This is wild. I’m to the point where I’ve been out and open about my sexuality longer than I was confused about it or didn’t know I was gay. I’ve had a lot of flashbacks recently about the first year of coming out. Heather Small’s song “Proud” came to mind as I was creating a playlist for a Cyclebar Pride Ride I have the pleasure of instructing. The song was featured in Queer as Folk. Queer as Folk was a popular television on Showtime in the early 2000s and I was hooked. I’d wait until my straight roommate would go to bed and sit in the living room late at night and watch it with the volume so low I could hardly hear it. At that time, I felt there was only one way to be out as a gay man; Drinking, partying, and having sex. There weren’t many examples of how gay men lived. Will and Grace was popular but it resonated less and played on many stereotypes.

Queer as Folk evolved and took on many issues. This included gay and lesbian marriage, adoption, HIV treatment, health care, elderly gay men, and the list goes on. In the show, I began to understand that being gay was only one aspect of who I was and I needed to be proud of all my authentic beautiful pieces. For the last twenty years, I’ve worked on me, my why, examined how I show up in the world, and most importantly, continue to do things I am genuinely proud of. These actions not only lift me, but they lift the people around me.

The world feels as if everyone is more polarized than ever. Instead of having educated conversations and leaning in with open minds, we are having debates where people don’t listen and tie their egos into their opinions. I believe this will not stay constant however, we need to find ways to cope. One way I combat this is to focus my actions in areas I am proud of that also illuminates other people’s humanity.

Why am I writing about this at this moment? Well, it’s still Pride Month and the word proud is really important. When I speak of pride, I do not mean overindulgent, extreme arrogance and wild hubris. I am referencing being proud of yourself with healthy self-esteem and self-respect. As the lines from the Heather Small song state, “I can feel my soul ascending…You can do the same.” We are here for such a limited time. Part of our time must be spent working on ourselves while taking actions that make us proud of who we are. What have you done today to make you feel proud?

There are so many ways to do small actions that align make us proud and illuminate other’s humanity. We do them all the time. If we add a little mindfulness and be a little more intentional, our impact for positive social change will be amplified. I believe the following five categories can help simplify identifying what actions we are proud of. You might also notice that these five categories create space for us to be less anxious, shameful, and stressed out. Those harmful feelings do nobody any good.

1) Follow your Why! What is your why and what can you do under that umbrella?

If you know your why, then use that knowledge to guide your actions. I really didn’t understand what my why is until the last couple years. Why am I here? I am here to connect people, ideas, and resources to increase the impact people make. If I can take action around my why once a day in a meaningful way, I feel proud. I also have less anxiety, care for myself more, and am more present to identify other ways to connect. What is your why? How have you leaned into it today? If you don’t know your exact why, don’t stress. Go forward with a gift you have, something that gives you joy, or even what your why might be.

2) Consider your values. What are your top three values and allow those to guide your actions.

We often get anxious, upset, shameful, or distressed when we do things that go against our values. What are your values? I have a lot of values I hold high. As I write this the values integrity, love, and transparency come to mind. Centering our actions around our values provides confidence that we are living as our true selves. Values are more matter-of-fact for me. If I have a value, yet take action that contradicts that value, there is room for an opportunity to grow and investigate. Values are our personal rule books. When we stay on track to our rule books, we are proud of our actions.

I wish I could say that I always make decisions and take actions that align with my values but I don’t. How do we cope when we don’t follow our rule books? I acknowledge the action and take responsibility for it. We must look at those moments as learning tools for when similar situations occur in the future. We then have the opportunity to be better.

3) How do you spend your time?

Anyone who has examined habits and new habit creation knows a first step is considering how we spend our time. Time is exchanged for sleep, work/money, relationships, etc. Lately, I’ve been changing up my schedule to find what best fits me. Doing this had created a feeling of time affluence. When we feel we have enough time, we have less anxiety and are open to more possibilities.

How are you spending your time? What makes you feel good and gives you joy? What can be shortened? When do you schedule the exciting and grateful stuff? We have an opportunity every day to choose how we spend our time. If we are mindful and intentional with it, we find more actions that we are proud of.

4) Write something!

This really comes down to communication and connections. As we went into lockdown in March of 2020, one of my new habits was to write more letters. I wanted to tell people how I felt about them and share their incredible influence in my life. A written note still has so much weight on our emotions. If you don’t like to write, then text, direct message, or record a video for those people who have positively impacted your life. Uplifting someone by showing them that they are seen is huge. We need more of it. I guarantee not only will they feel great, but you will be proud of doing it. It will also energize you for whatever is next.

5) Clean it up!

Finally, clean up that mess. What mess am I talking about? Any mess you have made that needs to be cleaned up. Life is messy and we hold onto shame, guilt, anxiety, sadness when we have a mess. This includes the closet, a horrible work space, a bad conversation with a family member, a fight with a friend, a time you didn’t take responsibility for your actions that negatively impacted someone, or any other messes you keep ignoring. A cleaned-up mess always makes me feel better. It connects to my values, my why, and my need to be there for people. Most importantly, it opens space for something magical to come in. What mess can you clean up today that will make you feel proud?